Relapse
By Emily, age 19, Newfoundland
Sweet Designs Featured Writer
When you have an addiction or know someone with an addiction, one of the scariest things you can ever hear them say is relapse. For myself, it's even scarier. My addiction is dieting, fasting, and perfection.
For any of you who have disordered eating or an eating disorder, you know how difficult it is to quit in the first place, but for a really long time, I thought I was in the clear. I hadn't binged or fasted in months. I exercised regularly and in moderation. I didn't even keep track of how much I ate every day. Then I got to university.
You see, at Dining Hall, it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet. And at first, with all the walking, I thought it would be easy to burn off all the calories I consumed. But I began eating more than I could burn off, and then I took all of the shortcuts across campus to save time getting to class, and all of those calories began to add up.
Slowly my pants began getting tighter and tighter, and before I knew it, two months into the semester, I had gained 10 pounds.
Every minute of every day now revolves around the way I look and how I feel in my own skin. I avoid mirrors if I can and wear pajama pants and sweats everywhere I can so I don't have to put my tight skinny jeans on.
I relapsed. I try so hard to fast and I fail, ending up binging because I'm so hungry by the end of the day. I stay up all night and sleep all day in hopes of avoiding the temptation to eat. I sip at Diet Coke, coffee, diet energy drinks, and green tea to keep myself busy ... to keep myself from eating.
I wish all the young girls who look at the celebrities understand that this lifestyle is not glamorous. It's not fun. It certainly isn't easy. It's an addiction and a way of life.
