BF Making Me Do Things I Don't Want to Do
By Rachel, age 26, Connecticut
Amiie, 17
Hi Amiie,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. First of all, I want to tell you how PROUD I am of you for writing to Sweet Designs and for reaching out and asking for advice. Reaching out is always the hardest step and you have accomplished that - be proud of yourself!
I can tell you that what your boyfriend is doing is abuse and it is not ok. I don't know if you have an adult in your life that you can trust, but if you do I am going to ask you to take another step that I know from firsthand experience is going to seem very scary but is the BEST thing you can do. I am going to ask you to sit down with this adult and talk to them.
I know firsthand that you feel as if no one will believe you, but coming from someone who has survived abuse I can tell you that I felt the same way you do, but what I found out is that people WILL believe you. I know that the thought of telling can seem really intimidating, so you try to convince yourself that no one will believe you. I can tell you from experience though that you will be believed. I believe you. I will tell you what a woman I know who is a survivor of abuse herself as well as someone who speaks out on a national level against abuse, assault, rape, and domestic violence told me, which is, "Tell the adults in your life, and if they won't listen or don't believe you KEEP talking until someone DOES believe you. This situation is not one that you can or should try to resolve on your own. I am going to give you the numbers of two hotlines that I want you to call that I know can give you support and help you further.
Also, please know that you are not alone in this. I myself am a survivor of teen dating violence. I was able to break up with my boyfriend at 17 with the support of one of my teachers. My ex-boyfriend manipulated me into staying friends with him, so that he could further control me. I did not get out completely until I went away to college in 2005 and started counseling on campus with a trained counselor who helped me to cut off contact with my abusive ex-boyfriend and helped me to create a safety plan and a plan of action for if he tried to contact me further. I recommend trying to break off your relationship with this guy with support, whether the support comes from your parents, a teacher, an adult family member, or a trained professional.
Depending on what is happening you might want to speak to law enforcement as well about legal action against this abuser. That decision needs to be your own. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, don't, but if it is something you are interested in you can contact your local law enforcement agency.
Your boyfriend's behavior is NOT ok; it is coercive and abusive and you do not deserve what is happening to you, and it is not your fault. You are worthy and deserving of being treated with nothing less than the highest respect, love, care, and dignity. Please reach out and ask for help and support. Please know that you do not stand alone and that I am always thinking of you.
The hotline numbers are:
1 800 656 HOPE (4673)
You can also access the crisis hotline online through this link:
http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/
The second hotline number is:
1 866-331-9474
Or, again, you can access the crisis line online by going to:
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
I am thinking of you and I pray that you are able to find support and to break up with this boyfriend.
A fellow survivor,
Rachel
