Sweet Advice

By Stephanie Lynn

Dating

I Don't Usually Chase a Guy

Okay, so I probably already know what you're going to say. Flat out. But I thought this was worth a try. My name is Maggie. I'm fourteen and a freshman in high school. So let me start off to say, I'm not the typical girl. I have never had a serious relationship, but I've had many boyfriends. I always seem to be "the guy" in the relationship - meaning, I usually just don't care. But about 5 months ago I met a sophomore, and pretty much fell head over heels. He's SUPER cute, has gorgeous eyes, and when he wants to be, he can be the sweetest guy ever.

But there's an issue. I'm not used to having to chase a guy, not to sound overconfident or anything. But this guy is so different. We have been talking all summer, and we hang out almost every weekend, but there's a problem. He won't ask me to be his girlfriend. Sure, we mess around a lot. But he always has an excuse, and I'm not just going to be, like, so when are we going to get serious??

In the summer he told me he didn't want a girlfriend, but that we were more than friends. Since school has started he's really started to show more of an effort which is WEIRD for him.

My friends tell me I'm wasting my time, and that he puts me through too much, and I know I do this to myself, but there has to be a reason why I keep coming back, right? I don't know how to move on, and I don't know if I want to. I keep telling myself that he'll eventually make up his mind about things, but I'm really not sure if that's true...

I know he's not talking to other girls, which is weird because shouldn't that mean something? I'm so confused and I love the feeling when I'm with him, but hate the feeling when I'm not. Plus, we fight constantly. I know, I know, once shame on him, twice shame on me. But I think it might be worth it. HELP?
Maggie, 14

The first thing that comes to mind is probably what you expected to hear ... Don't chase after a guy. This may be the 21st century, and girls may chase after guys all the time, but a relationship is something that still works out best the old school way. There is a time and place and way to make your interest in him known, but even in 2008 most guys don't think too much of girls who obnoxiously pester them or crush on them in too obvious a way. If it's meant to be ... (which implies that sometimes it's not, and sometimes not right now.)

I hope this works out for you, Maggie, and wish you the best.
Stephanie Lynn

Girl, I have been in your shoes, but there comes a time when you have to say the very question you don't want to say - when are we going to get serious? It sounds like you love the sound of you and him together, but you're not sure if he's worth it. I guess after friends or even family telling you to move on, it doesn't ever make it easy, even if he's a complete jerk.

You shouldn't have to chase him. If y'all have been talking this long and even messing around, there should be equal "chasing" per se. Guys always have a reason for not wanting a girlfriend, but most of the time there's only one, to have one girl they can always come back to. I'm not saying he's using you, but honestly, you really never know.

If he's not made up his mind after the summer and now even after school has started, honey, I don't think he's going to. I think you need to move on and just walk away from this. It sounds like you're only going to get hurt. If he's worth it you would not have any second thoughts. Trust me, I know. I've been there. Good luck.
Ashley

He Likes By BFF

Well, I like this boy, but I feel like we're just friends, but then again I think he likes my bff. Like I'm so stuck. What should I do?
Nicole, 14

Nicole, I think everyone has had these kinds of things happen, but you have to know if you really like him or if it's just a crush. Don't stress yourself over one guy. Take a look around - there's plenty in your school. If he likes your friend, let it be. It's not her fault. Don't ruin your friendship with her over a guy because in the end guys don't stick around for very long.

If he likes you then give it a try, and if you still feel like you two are more like friends it's totally ok! You are 14! You still have plenty of time to find the right guy, and heartbreaks are coming your way, but you are strong enough to make it through - all girls do!

Take care and good luck!
Soraya

My Friends Think He is Weird & Ugly

Well ... I've been dating this guy for about 3 months. At first I liked him a lot. Now that we're dating I'm not sure if I like him as much as I did at first. We've gone on many dates, but when we're together I don't talk at all and all my friends think he is weird and ugly. Yeah, I guess he isn't the best looking, but I did like him. My true question is what should I do? Should I keep dating him? Do I break up with him? How do I break up with him? Or should I just stay with him and see how things go?
Kyleigh, 15

To start off, I just want to let you know that this is the very same situation that I was in roughly six months ago. It's hard to accept criticism from your friends, especially if they're insulting someone you like. It may be possible that after hearing your own friends' opinions about him, that you may have warped your feelings to make it seem like you don't like him because your friends don't approve. It's also very possible that your feelings have changed. It can happen. My advice would be to sit down, and really, truly figure out how you feel about him; or to go on a few dates with him to see if your feelings change at all. If you do happen to break up with him, however, I wouldn't give him a lame excuse like, "It's not you, it's me." Give him the truth, that you aren't sure about how you feel anymore, and do your best to keep from hurting his feelings too much. Hopefully this helps, and that your situation will work itself out.
Sarah VH

Kyleigh, I've had the EXACT same problem as you. I liked this guy, and we dated for 3 months until I realized that I really didn't have any feelings for this guy. My friends thought he was sort of ugly too. I broke up with him, he was sad about it, but he got over it. But then a few months later I started liking him again! Anyway, I think you should just break up with him if you don't like him, but if you think you will like him after you break up with him like I did, I think you should just stay with him and see what happens. I'm actually glad to see someone has been in the same situation as me. :)

Best of luck, Kyleigh!
- Mckayla

Kyleigh, it really does suck to see a good couple turn to a not so good one. But I don't see why your friends should have much to do with this. I mean, if he treats you bad, that's a real reason. Who cares what he looks like? He may look like Brad Pitt, but would your opinion of him change if he looked different?

Think it out. See if you need him in your life or even want him. Trust your instincts and believe in yourself. Don't doubt yourself one bit. If you think he's gotta go, then he may just have to go. You don't want to end up running away and then running back to him. Heaven knows, I do it enough.

-x-
Raven
Good luck

He's Drinking, I'm Pregnant

So there's this big issue I'm going through and I just do not know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and I'm prego - 8 months to be exact. Lately my boyfriend just kinda changed on me. When he started hanging with his friends he started drinking. Now all he does is drink with his friends. Sometimes he ignores my calls and says all I do is call him to b**** when that's not the truth. I have been having contractions and I need him to be there and be supportive. We have not seen each other in two weeks, and he and his friends have been staying at his house having girls stay over. He told me the other day he didn't know if he loved me anymore, that he just does not know if he cares because of all the fighting. Do you think he has found someone else? I do not know what to think. I've been dropping weight 'cause I'm stressed and I work all the time. I cry all the time. It's just hopeless.
Bella, 18

There is no way for me or anyone to predict whether he will stay with you, cheat on you, abuse you, step up to his responsibility, run away from it, love you, or leave you. He may try, giving you hope for a while, but not be mature enough to stick it out.

So then, with so much uncertainty, what do you do? First, you need to stop calling him. Badgering him into loving you and taking responsibility doesn't work. If you're emotionally strong enough to stand by what you say, make one final call. Calmly explain to him that you're releasing him from responsibility - both fatherhood and your relationship.

Break up with him? Sort of, but not exactly. Tell him to take some time. Then if he decides he wants to be a father and wants to be with you, then call. If not, let you know he's moving on. Remind him that being a father and your bf are now one and the same, and will mean no other girls or drinking with the guys. Having a baby is a huge responsibility, as you're finding out. Either he's in all the way or he's out. If he's not ready to be a father, there's nothing you can say or do that's going to make him ready. I know a guy who's made four babies - he's really good at making 'em ... not so good at everything that follows.

You're going to need a lot of support. Who do you have - family, friends ...?? Focus on them. Forget him. Be realistic, and be fair to yourself and your baby. Maybe he'll come around, or maybe off and on until he realizes just how big a deal this is, but chances are he's already on his way out the door. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I really do hope it works out.

Please stay in touch and let me know how it's going.
Stephanie Lynn

Heartbreaker

So every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I go to jiu jitsu class. When I first started this class I didn't think of anything, at least anything that dealt with boys. I am one of the only girls, and the only girl who is a teenager. There are about 20 teenage boys my age, and every day I swear I wish there were only old men. This boy named Jonathan who goes to my jiu jitsu class is really nice and he's very handsome. I always grapple with him, and one day he asked me out. For some reason I said yes, but actually I meant no. You see, I've just gotten out of a two year relationship and I really don't want a boyfriend anytime soon.

The next day at class I confronted Jonathan that I don't want a commitment to anything, and he thought it was kind of weird, but had to agree with it. Later on in that class this other boy named Stephen, who is soo cute, told Jonathan that he wanted to ask me out. Stephen didn't know that Jonathan had asked me out, which was very awkward for Jonathan. I couldn't believe it. Since I have more feelings for Stephen I was pretty happy. After class Jonathan told Stephen that he needed to stay away from me because I'm his girl - which is not true - I am nobody's girl.

The other day Jonathan called me and we talked for a little bit. He made me feel so bad. I guess Jonathan and Stephen broke up with their girlfriends of one year because they thought they had a chance with me. I felt really bad and I feel even worse since they really both don't have a chance with me. Over the phone Jonathan kept asking me if there was another boy or something. I kept saying no, but I think there is another boy actually. There's actually one boy I really like. I am not sure I will go out with him, but I'm single. I can go for it, right?

I do actually have little feelings for Stephen. There's this one boy named Kurtis I have always liked, and a couple days later Kurtis admitted that he had some feelings for me. I was soooo happy. I have liked Kurtis for sooo long!

But now what do I do about Jonathan? He is still making me feel bad. Whenever I walk into class he goes, "Hey friend", in a weird kind of way. At least Stephen has a girlfriend now, so that puts less stress on my back. But Jonathan is still driving me crazy! He keeps calling, but I just give up and don't answer, even if he's going to make me feel bad later. How do I tell him he has no chance with me?

Oh wait, never mind. I have already told him. None of my friends know what to do and all my guy friends tell me to hook up with him, but I don't want to do that because Jonathan already told me how I'm such a tease. But it's funny how I am not. I have to have no personality around him because I have always known he has liked me, and for some reason he still likes me! I even told him a bunch of weird stuff about me that's not true, and he said he got turned on by it. I really don't know what to do. I need some help!
Ariel, 14

You can't help whom you like, and should only control it insofar as avoiding (or dumping) guys who take you in wrong directions. And you certainly can't help who crushes on you. So what CAN you do??

Be honest. Always be honest. Kind, but honest. If people can draw the wrong conclusion, they will. Then they think you're a tease, or worse, that you led them on in a very cruel way. Being honest (in a kind way) won't solve all your problems, but what's left are things beyond your control. Saying to Stephen, "I'm not dating anyone right now, and maybe I like you a little, but to be honest, there's someone else I kinda like, so I can't go out with you right now - maybe something might work out later" may be an answer. Then perhaps politely ask for space, not pressure.
Stephanie Lynn

Seems that you have yourself a little love triangle... I think that you will have to be more blunt and direct with Jonathan. Tell him that you don't have the same feelings for him as he does for you and that you don't like it when he gets really clingy around you. Tell him that it really bothers you and that you want him to stop. If he continues to bother you like this, I think that it's time for you to confront your parents or another trusted adult because it seems like this guy may be showing early signs of stalking behavior and that is not safe by any means. You need to try and end contact with this guy if it starts getting unbearable for you or it can and will get much worse.

Regarding Kurtis, I think that you should make the first move and ask him out. If you do so, I think that Jon will get the message that you're now taken and he'll stop bothering you. Plus, since you like Kurtis and he obviously likes you, you're killing two birds with one stone. :) I think that you and Kurtis seem like you would make a good couple. I wish you both the best and I hope that it all works out. =)
Mariah

He Doesn't Date

So there is this boy, John, I REALLY, REALLY like. I have liked him for about 7 years. (We've grown up together.) So now that we are both 17 I would LOVE to actually get a chance to be with him, but he doesn't date. I don't know what to do or if there is anything I really can do ...?
Heather, 17

The best relationships happen when you're friends with someone for a while and then start dating. You already know a lot about him and he knows a lot about you. Maybe he doesn't date because he's either had a bad experience in the past, he's not ready to make a commitment, or he just hasn't found anyone who really interests him. I don't think that you have anything to lose if you do ask him out. If he says, "Yes," then all of the power to you. If he says, "No," then just move on and stay friends. I'd make the first move and see what happens. The worst thing that could happen is him saying, "No." I think that you both know each other well enough to not really let it affect your friendship if this does end up happening. However, I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you go for it because it seems that you REALLY, REALLY like him. =)
Mariah

There's not much you really can do but to tell him how you feel. If you grew up with him you should know him really well, so you can tell him anything, right? One of my best friends and I grew up together, and when I was 12 I really, really liked him, so I told him. We never dated, but I'm glad I said how I felt. If he doesn't date, it's because he's waiting for the right girl. I do know couples who have been friends all their lives and are now married.
Ashley

Our Parents Say We're Too Young

Okay, so I've been with my guy for about a year and 3 months, and both of our parents keep telling us we're too young to be in such a serious relationship, and they want us to break up. I don't know if I should stay with him or break up with him. Now what do you think I should do?
Nita, 14

No, you should not break up with him. This is your life not your parents' life. You need to run it the way you want to. If you have true feelings for this guy and you know that it is real, then you should follow your heart and follow what you believe is right. I am not saying it is right to disobey your parents, but I am saying that just because they are older and "wiser" doesn't mean that they are always right. If you end up staying with him and he ends up doing something stupid just know that you learned from a mistake and you will now know what to do if it ever happens again. Bottom line - listen to your heart. Only you know what is right and what is wrong.
Tifney

I think you should just do what your heart tells you to do. Your parents just want the best for you - that's why they want you to break up. Sometimes serious relationships at your age can lead to something bad, but that's only SOMETIMES. Just tell your parents that you really like this guy and you don't want to break up with him.

Good luck! :)
-Mckayla

Nita, you are so young! Yet you have been with this guy for a while! Ok, I think that you should def. stay with him. Parents don't understand that if they tell us to do something, most likely we won't listen. You have your own life. You should make your own mistakes. This is how we learn. I don't see any harm with you staying with him. If you love him then work on making your relationship with him stronger. Don't let your parents come in between. In the end it's up to you, but don't rebel against your parents either - this will make them angrier. Also, don't let your relationship affect your school work and social life. In other words, don't make him your everything! Take care and Good luck!
Soraya

Is He Cheating?

How do I know if he's cheating?
Ashlee, 15

There isn't any potion or formula of figuring out exactly if he is cheating, but there are a few signs you can look out for.

Is he shifty and can't look you right in the eyes when you ask him what he's done? Like if you ask him, "So how was your evening? What'd you do?" Does he avoid you?

Also, do you often hear from people he is cheating on you? Especially from your close friends who only have your best interests in mind, not just strangers on the street? Does he buy you gifts that seem to be bought as a guilty action?

Pretty much look for a guilty head and listen to your friends who care. That's the best way to know. But don't just jump to conclusions. Trust him fully until you know otherwise. But if you find out he is cheating leave him. Kick him to the curb because he will do it again if you let him come back.
Lauren

I have never been cheated on before, so I don't know the exact signs, but I looked on a few websites, and here are some of the major things I would look for:

1. He has low self esteem.
2. He becomes distant and uncommunicative.
3. He changes his image or style. (This could also be just for change and not be because of cheating.)
4. He has absences that he cannot explain.
5. He acts unappreciated.

I hope this helps you, but I also hope that he isn't cheating on you!

Good luck!!
-Mckayla

You don't know if he's cheating unless you see him with your own eyes or if he tells you. Don't worry about it too much. You're 15 - just live life. If someone tells you he's cheating and they say they saw it, ask him. Just because someone tells you he's cheating doesn't mean that's always the case.

About 8 months ago I was dating this guy, and about every week I would get a call from an anonymous caller, so every week I would ask, and every week he would say no. So one week I caught on. I asked the anonymous caller who they were. Come to find out it was his ex-girlfriend's friend.

So what I'm trying to say is, sometimes what you think is not what you think. You have to trust in your relationship. If you don't trust him why are you still with him? Think about it ... You can't be happy if you don't trust him. Good luck.
Ashley

He's a Flirt with a GF

I like this boy I know, and when he's around me I tend to flirt with him, and I don't even notice until my friends tell me. Well, turns out he flirts with me at times too. Once when we said bye to each other we gave each other a kiss on the cheek like most of us Hispanics do (I'm Hispanic, by the way), only that instead of the kiss being cheek to cheek like it normally is he actually kissed me on my cheek. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but the thing is I liked it. But I recently found out that he's got a girlfriend. His friends who are my friends say they think it's nothing that serious 'cause he never really talks about her. The point is that I really like this guy and I have a feeling he sort of likes me, but he's got a girl. What should I do?
Carolina, 14

It does sound like you like this boy a lot. I think right now it is best you two just stay friends. You don't want to interrupt the relationship he has with this other girl. If he does like you he will end things with her and spend more time with you. If things work out like that then I wish you luck on the relationship!

But if he continues to flirt with you, but won't break up with his girlfriend, then move on. It shows that if you two do ever date he's going to do the same thing to you. Behind your back he'll probably flirt with other girls. He would not be worth it.

Good Luck,
Lindsey

Ok. So I know how you feel. I've been through the same thing! You should just tell him that you know that he has a girlfriend but you really like him. Let him know that you're not trying to put him in an awkward position, and it's ok if he doesn't feel the same about you. Sometimes it's best to act on your feelings because later in life the only thing you would regret is not telling him how you feel. Because then you'll have the thought of how y'all could have turned out, if you get what I mean. But yes, you should definitely tell him how you feel, and remember, even if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you told him, and you won't have to live in suspense.

Hope I helped and good luck = ]
Tramaine

Wants to Have Her Cake and ...

Ok, well, I'm dating this one guy and he is really great, but another guy likes me, and the more I hang out with him I'm starting to see that I kind of like him. But I don't want to tell my boyfriend that I'm starting to like someone else. Both guys are really great, but I don't want to stay with my boyfriend now and then have the other guy just give up on me. But I'm not sure if I want to lose the guy I'm dating now. What do you think?
Allie, 13

There is an old saying - never leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Sometimes it's true, but most of the time it's not. If you're really confused on which guy you want to be with, and which one you like the most, sit down and compare them. Not by how cute they are, but by what you like about them. For example, funny, charming, nice, fun to be around. etc ...

You're still young, chicky, so don't let these boys get you down and confused just yet. Have fun, and live up being a kid - you'll miss it when you're older!

A good friend of mine once told me, "Do what makes you happy, because you're the only one that has to live with you for the rest of your life."

I hope I helped! Keep your head high and smile :)

xoxo
Samantha

Ask yourself all of these questions:
Who do you like more?
Who treats you better?
Who is capable of keeping a more steady relationship?

The person you answered with for those questions is most likely the one you should be with. If it is your friend be sure to think twice about what you're doing. Do you really want to break up with him? Will you regret it if your new relationship doesn't work out?

I hope you choose the one who will make you happier.
Lindsey

It can be very tricky sometimes when you like two guys at once. I think that you should give it a lot of thought on who you would choose. I think that you should choose the one you like the most or feel the most comfortable with or maybe you could just be friends with both of them.

Sincerely,
Kiaira

But I Thought Wrong

Okay, me and my ex dated for about 2 weeks. He's a real sweet guy, but I broke up with him because I wanted my other ex back that I dated for 4 months. I thought at the moment I was in love with him, but thought wrong, and now I'm over him.

So this week my [2 week sweet] ex started to be very flirtatious with me, which is very odd because he hasn't talked to me any since the break up. He comes up to me and flirts with me, and when we're in class he's always talking about me. The other day I was in computer class (which we have together) and he was talking to his friends, and they were like, "Why don't you ask her back out?" And he was like, "I don't know." It's kind of weird because I broke up with him, but I know he likes me, I think, because he's always staring at me from across the room and finding some way to get closer to me.

What do you think? Do you think he still likes me or not because I'm like so confused right now?
Brittney, 15

By the sound of it he does like you, but is too afraid to get hurt again. Can you blame him though? You did leave him for someone else. He probably needs you to make a move first so he knows it is what you want, not what he is telling himself you want. So if you do still like him and want to be with him again tell him, but be careful with his heart. If he is as sweet as you say, his heart is probably a fragile one, so just make sure this is what you want before you make any drastic moves.
Lauren

Um ... let me just say HELLO!!!!! Can't you see that if he's flirting, that means he likes you, and since he didn't break up with you he more than likely has the feelings he had before? You can't expect someone to stop liking you like that, especially when he didn't do the breaking up.

Hope I helped.
-Dru

First, let me ask you this: If he broke up with you because he wanted to get back with his other ex, would you be kind of hesitant to go back out with him? I mean, sure, after a while you might be okay with it again, but it would take a while, right? He's thinking the same way you would.

I'd talk to him, tell him that you messed up, and you're sorry, but you can't expect him to just be okay with it, ya know? I think he still likes you, but he's kinda of recovering ... trying to figure out if you're still into him. And girl, if you still like him, and he still likes you, things will work out - they always do!

Keep your head up, smile pretty - you've got a boy's heart to win!

Always yours,
Natalie

He's So Stupid

Well, there's this guy I really like, but he is just so freakin' stupid. He has a girl, likes another girl, says he likes me, and then breaks up with his girl, and less than a week later gets another girl, and still likes the other girl and supposedly "likes" me, and now he told me he likes one of my best friends. He is just so freakin' stupid. And I don't know what to do. I really don't wanna like him 'cause I know I'll get hurt. I already did, but I can't stop thinkin' 'bout him, and when I wanna confront him I can't 'cause every time I see him I just forget everything and like him even more. I just don't know what to do. Oh, and also he is very playful (flirty) with all the girls he meets, and my brothers don't like him. They say he not a good guy.
Carlita, 14

Congratulations, Carlita, you've hooked a 10 year old. Not to worry, though. I actually just got done with a problem of my own very similar to this.

First things first, I have good news: you don't have to stop liking him. In fact, you shouldn't. You never want to stop liking someone, whether they're good or bad for you. Let me rephrase that: Even if someone's bad for you, it's unhealthy to tear yourself away from someone you can't stop thinking about.

Anyway, I know things are really cloudy now. However, that's no reason to work yourself up over it. What you need to do is stay calm and be chill whenever you're around him or when you're talking about him to someone. No matter how much you like him, don't make yourself appear infatuated with him. Keep him in the back of your mind, but don't let him be priority number one. Things WILL work out. No matter what, whether you know it or not, it will be for the best. Like I said earlier, you don't need to stop liking him. I wish I could tell you to stop, because it sounds to me like this is a true bind you're in, but if you like him enough, you need to stand your ground. Persistence and patience is key.

To sum it all up: You can continue to like him, but just keep him in the BACK of your mind. And remember, stay patient. Boys are stupid, remember? :)
Jordan

Let me tell you from personal experience, girl, this boy has a "cake and eat it too" complex. He wants to have you, and he wants that other girl too. Do you want to be the girl on the side? I honestly doubt that, no girl does. Maybe you need to confront him, maybe you need to say something, because saying nothing is going to get you nowhere. Tell him he has a choice he has to make, that you aren't going to wait around forever, and you shouldn't have to.

I'm thinking just from your description (and, believe it or not, I've been in this same situation with a boy I just recently walked away from) your brothers are probably right. He's probably not the best guy, he's gonna break your heart, he's going to hurt you, and they are trying to protect you. That guy, he doesn't really change much, he's always gonna be playing games with every girl's head, and trying to get everything he wants without any actual commitment.

My advice, girl: talk to him, say what you've got to say, and make sure he knows that you aren't going to be an option to him, and if he has nothing to say to that, or doesn't change his ways, there are plenty of other guys out there. Again, from experience, he'll be back, and you'll have moved on with your life. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end!

Best of Luck <3
Natalie

Look, the reason he's saying this to all these girls is because he's just confused with what he wants. What I say you do is don't fall for his "charm" because he already has a girlfriend. And also, if he keeps saying he likes all these girls he could end up cheating on his girlfriend, which means he won't be afraid to cheat on you. Do you wanna be with someone like that? I don't think so.

Hope I helped.
-Dru

Sweetheart, it sounds to me like he really isn't a good guy. He seems like the "player" type, if you catch my drift. You shouldn't have to deal with stuff like that. You're still young, and there will be plenty of other boys out there. Trust me!

So my advice to you is, next time he tries to talk to you or flirt with you, blow him off. It'll help you get over the fact that you like him, and it'll make him realize he's doing something wrong. Start talking to other boys that you like and get to know them. Chances are they will be 100% better than the boy you like now. I promise!

Good luck Carlita! Keep your head high and smile :)

xoxo
Samantha

Sweetheart ...you're young and so is he. Females mature wayyyy faster than males, and he's still stuck in the little boy mentality. Basically he wants to have his cake and eat it too. If talking to him face to face makes all your old feelings come back then write him a letter and slip it in his locker, or have a friend give it to him. Tell him exactly how you feel. Hopefully he'll read it and get his act together, but if not then move on. He'll see you hanging out with another guy and than before you know it he'll be chasing you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so what if you want that specific one? Throw it back, and if it wants you ... it'll come back :) Don't stress yourself, sweetie.
Charda

Alright, I'm going to try and help you because your situation seems mad confusing and I'm the best at de-confusing stuff. Alright, first off, you're 14. I'm guessing this kid is around your age, 14-15. Something you have to note is that boys and girls mature differently, not just physically, but mentally as well. The way you're describing him, he sounds like a player. A lot of boys at this age will "play the field" because they're not really interested in a "relationship". They're just interested in fooling around because they're not mature enough for a "relationship".

Like girls, they have feelings they want to explore, but at that age their feelings are more physical, until they mature and realize not everything is physical. Girls are the opposite - they want that "true love story," and want everything in the movies, but later realize not everything is all "mushy & lovey dovey".

Neither realizes it's more than sex (boys) and mush (girls) - it's communication, trust, joy, being able to be with someone and be yourself, be free, and feel like all the stresses in the world just vanish right before your very eyes - it's love. When you can truly let go of everything and just act like no one else is in the world but you and that person - it's love. When you go into a relationship, feel something like that, and feel you can handle it because you know that person feels the same way back - it's love.

Right now, at your age, being at the "emotional" stage is where you want to be. You want a guy who's at that stage. Where I'm going with this is that what you want is a guy who is on your level - your emotional level. You also want a guy on your maturity level.

Mentally, this guy is not ready for a relationship, and if you get involved with him you will get hurt. No "ifs," "ands," or "buts" - you will get hurt. He's not mature enough for it. I'm guessing your brothers are older than you. You know how they know he's not a good guy? They've been there, done that, had those thoughts, and acted them out. If there's anyone you should be going to for advice about boys at that age it's them. Why? Because they were boys that age. Your brothers know firsthand what he's thinking. The "Book of Men" is honestly not that complicated, my boyfriend always tells me. "'The Book of Men' is a two page book, and most of the answers to your problems are on the first page."

Listen, Carlita, I know you have feelings for him, and I know feelings are not lights. You can't just be like, "Oh, I want the light on," or "Oh, I want it off." You don't turn feelings on and off; they don't work like that. Look at the pros and cons of being with him. Right now I'm not seeing many pros, but you'd probably be able to think of a lot considering you like him. If you like him you must see SOMETHING good in him. I'd say sit back and lay low in the relationship world for a bit. Watch your friends' relationships and watch how they handle certain situations.

Take it easy. If you get involved with another guy in another relationship, just take it easy. You're young. You have a lot going for you. Sit back and ride on "relationship cruise control" and take it as it comes.

Wishing you the best,
Brianna

He Cheated - Now He Wants Me Back

Hey, well, I really need your advice. Ok, well, I went out with this boy for like a year, but within that year he cheated on me like 3 times, and I kept taking him back until I finally let him go for good (for like 5 months). Now he wants to be with me, and yea, I kinda still love him, but he still makes me cry and stuff. This other boy likes me now, and I kissed him before and he's kinda cute. I didn't know if I should go back out with the ex or stay single and mess around with the new guy and see if it leads to a new relationship. Can you please help me??
Sandy, 16

Well, Sandy, if a guy hurts you and makes you cry, he's not worth your time. You're young and life's too short & you shouldn't waste it on people like that. Now about the single or relationship part, whether you think you are ready for another relationship or you'd like some time to yourself, you should answer that question.
Bianca

I can fully relate to the situation you are in right now. I was with a guy for a year and a half, and he did me wrong in as many ways as imaginable. And like you, I kept taking him back with the idea that I loved him and I couldn't be without him. Then I started talking to new guys and realized what all was out there. Sometimes you just have to know when to drop it, and to let go of things and people when they aren't good for you and your health. It may be just a boy, and just a relationship, but situations like these can be very stressful, and stress can really hurt you and your health. Stress can lead to the long term effects of:

      ♥ Chronic headaches
      ♥ Mood swings
      ♥ Memory disturbances
      ♥ Heart attack
      ♥ Stroke
      ♥ and many other things.

Now is a guy worth all that? I don't think so. Girl, I think you should stay single and live it up, and if this new guy treats you good and is worth your time, go for it! You deserve better than what your ex is giving you. You may think you love him, and maybe you do. But it looks to me as if your love isn't what this guy wants. Give your love to someone who deserves it, not some meanie face :)

Keep your head up high, and smile :)

xoxo
Samantha

I was in a situation like this once. I dated a guy three times and he cheated on me all three times. He was really sweet, but I always thought to myself I deserve better then being cheated on. But personally I think that staying single and seeing where this new relationship leads is a lot better than staying with a guy you know you can't trust. Also, trust is a big issue. Going with a guy you know you can't trust ... I mean, what kinda relationship is that? So I think staying single is your best bet, and hey, maybe this cute boy will turn out to be a great decision.
-Dru

Is He Playing Me??

Ok, there's a boy I like a lot and we hang out a lot, and he's one year older than me, and he's popular at school, and he never talks to me unless it's out of school ... but anyway, he touches me like he likes me and talks to me like he likes me, but he also does it to my best friend, but tells her I'm ugly and fat and stuff like that. Is he playing me or what?
Britney, 14

Either he's playing you ... and in just about the worst possible way, or your BFF is jealous and is lying to you (and not really your friend). It's one or the other - you decide. I might add, if he's doing what your BFF says, he's not very bright, is he? Think about it.
Stephanie Lynn

Sorry to tell you this, but yes, he's playing you and your best friend. You both should just quit talking to him and hanging around him before matters get worse.
Chloe

Ugh! I don't like him at the moment. You're too good for someone who does that to you! No girl should be treated like that. And if they do, kick them to the CURB! He also just sounds like a player. Wants everything that moves, and for what? NOTHING! I don't get what's up with guys today. They just don't understand anything anymore. It just makes me mad. I hope that everything goes well.
~Raven

If I Ever Dump My GF, I'll Give You a Call

I like this guy, but he already has a girlfriend. Everyone knows I like him and even he knows. His girlfriend keeps saying to me, "Don't be jealous," but I am not. He says he likes me, and if he dumps his girlfriend he'll be with me. How should I know for sure?
Sammi, 13

If he really likes you he wouldn't be with her and hang you by a string, saying if I dump her I'll be with you. Forget him and find a guy that you won't be the rebound girl for, but instead his princess.
Lauren

The first thing that I was thinking was that he is trying play both of you. If he really did have feelings for you he would already have dumped his girlfriend to be with you. There is no right way to know what his real feelings or true intentions are. The advice that I would suggest to you is that you move on because I think there has to be a better guy out there for you. Does his girlfriend know that if he dumps her that he will be with you? If not, you need to tell her, and it will probably benefit you both in the long run. I hope that everything works out for you. Best of luck!
Victoria

14 Dating 11

I'm 14 and I'm dating an 11 year old. I only told one of my friends, but I know if I tell the others they'll laugh. And also, when I told my friend, she kind of picked at me (not in a mean way) and told me I was a pedophile. I don't think he's too young because I'm a tiny person - 5 feet - and he's 5'6" at 11. He's also really mature and really sweet. What should I do?
Abigail, 14

Well, Abigail, my friend was also going out with an 11 yr old when she was 14. You can't let people get through your head. If you're happy, you stay with him. Don't let other people's remarks bother you. If you like him badly then it's meant to be. People always have something to say. People who talk about other people are just insecure about themselves. Don't let it bother you and be happy with him.
Sarah

Well, Abigail, what I think is that if you really like this boy and YOU fell comfortable about your age difference, you shouldn't care what others think.
Bianca

If you are happy dating an 11 year old, that's great! If you really like him, then don't worry about what other people think! As long as YOU and HIM are happy, that's all that matters! Your friends can't make fun of you for having a good relationship, so just try to ignore any teasing. Also, don't be afraid to tell your friends about him, because that might make him feel like he isn't good enough ... and I know that's not what you think. So don't be afraid to tell your friends about him, and just remember that in as long as you two are happy, nothing else matters!

Lots of Love,
Carrie

Falling for a Sweet Guy (p.s. He Has a GF)

Okay, so this sounds completely cliche, but I'm falling for my best friend ... and he has a girlfriend. We dated before, but we didn't really know each other too well, so we both decided to end it because of that alone - not at all because we didn't have feelings for each other. After that, we got to know each other so much more, and now, two years later, he really is my best friend. He knows that I like him, and he's admitted that he might have feelings for me, but then he starts talking about how in love with his girlfriend he is. It's like, one moment he's telling me that I'm beautiful and smart and funny and amazing and that any guy would be lucky to have ME, but the next he's talking about how lucky he is to have HER for the same reasons. I'm close to giving up. What do I do? I've tried to get over him, but every time I even come close he sends me flowers with the SWEETEST messages ... seriously:

I never was quite as good with words as you are, but I can say this: you are my best friend and I am so thankful for you. Thank you for always being there. And thank you for putting up with me. And thank you for being you. And thank you for always helping me in Spanish. And thank you for making me want to be better. And thank you for supporting me. And thank you for making me try out for those choir solos. And thank you for still reading this, even though I know it's getting a little long. (: I love you, beautiful. - Addison

Or he writes me a song or something sweet like that. I've even tried ignoring him, but then he calls me or sends me sweet text messages wondering if he did anything wrong, and if he did, what he can do to fix it. I've tried to explain it to him, but I don't think he understands. Plus, he seems so happy with his girlfriend ... I can't ruin that ... but I also can't wait forever. Can you help?
Brittany, 16

Wow, this sounds REALLY familiar to me. I actually know exactly how you feel because I dealt with a similar problem. I actually was friends with my current boyfriend, and one day he told me he was going out with this other girl whom I was friends with. I was really upset because I loved him as much as a seventh grader could, ha-ha. I was upset, but happy for him at the same time.

Similar to your story, I still had feelings for him when he was going out with this other girl, but we were best friends. After he broke up with her 2 years later, we remained best friends, and now we've been dating for a little more than a year, and we love each other very much. My advice to you is that if you really love Addison, as a friend and/or a potential boyfriend, just be a good friend to him for now, and if it's meant to be that you two are together, then it will happen. If not, you'll still have an awesome friend who truly loves you!! But right now just support him and be there for him when he needs you, and hopefully he'll come around! Good luck to the both of you!! <3
=] Briana <3

Falling for a best friend is one of the hardest and trickiest things in this world, especially since he is not single. Those letters he sends could just be something thanking his best friend - you could take them as missed signals. He loves you as someone who's always been there for him, and if he thinks that way he might think you will always be there to give him a chance. He could really love this girl and be so confused about it, because he doesn't want to hurt either of you! I liked a good friend of mine about 3 years ago and I waited a whole year. Now that I look back it was a year that I wasted because I had so many great opportunities to be with someone who did want to be with me.

You've told him your feelings, that's all you can do. If he doesn't return them or he does but just won't make the commitment, you can't do anything. But look at where he's coming from. Maybe he does like you, but he doesn't want to ruin what you have now, a beautiful friendship. My advice - sit down have a talk about both your feelings, and his toward his girlfriend, and ask him what he truly wants. One thing I know for sure is, if you love and care about someone, all you want is their happiness, but don't forget yours while trying to help make theirs. There's a whole sea and a tons of fish; swim around a little and check it out!!

Love,
Mia C.

Big Time Breakup Regrets

A while back, about 5 months ago, I made a huge mistake by breaking up with my boyfriend. Then a month later I liked him again, and told him how I felt, but he didn't like me anymore. I don't know what to do, and it's making me depressed all the time. I've been sad ever since, and I think about him literally all the time. Everything reminds me of him. I've asked my friends for advice, and they said to give it some time and I'll get over it. But it's been 3 months and I still cry every single night over it. He said he wanted to just be friends, but it doesn't seem like it. He doesn't talk to me, look at me, or anything. It seems like he hates me. I don't know what to do. I know I'm really young, but I really think I love him, and he doesn't love me back.
Savannah, 13

You know what? I've been in a situation VERY similar to this. I was dating this guy for a while, and it was good. Then I decided to break up with him. I still really liked him, and I told him I did, but of course he didn't like me because we were already really good friends. I've just learned to respect that and I moved on. I wouldn't stress over it because that helps nothing. Sometimes it feels like I still like him, but I just tell myself, "No ... I need to move on." And it helps! Who knows, maybe he will like you sometime in the future and you guys can date again. I hope this helps you.
Mckayla

You need to show him that he's really missing out on a great girl. If that doesn't work, you should try dating other people. I mean you're only 13 yrs old - you have your whole life to think about guys. I was your age, and it's difficult when you like a guy because you wanna be with him so bad. What I do is see if they like you one more time. If they don't you gotta move on and look for someone else. Mr. Right will come to you one day :)
Sarah

He Said He Loves Me, But Just Doesn't Want to Be with Me

Ok, me and this guy love each other, and I can't stop thinking about him. He's the only guy I want to be with, but for some reason he said he loves me, but he just doesn't want to be with me. He called me twice the other day, and out of nowhere asked me if I went to the rink. I said no, and he said, "Oh, 'cuz I was going to go if you were." He had a girlfriend at the time, and I just don't know what to do ... Can you help?
Kilee, 15

If you love him, let him know your feelings. If he feels the same, then he'd be willing to give you a chance. But if he's already offering to be what sounds like cheating on the girlfriend he has? ... Don't you think that's a little fishy? ... Would you want a commitment like that? If he loves you and said he didn't want to be with you, maybe he has a reason. He might be afraid of something he does like lying, cheating, etc., and doesn't want to hurt you. Think it through and talk to him!
Mia C.

Dealing with Mixed Signals

Okay, so there's this guy, and I've liked him for a while, but he always gives me mixed signals, and I really don't know what to do! HELP!
Cristal, 15

Well, there is the first and foremost thing you could do that works the most effectively - talk to him. Ask him what he REALLY feels instead of all the mixed signals that I'm pretty sure is really getting on your nerves.
Bianca

Mixed signals??!?! If a guy does that, he's either shy or not worth your time. So wait a little longer, then if it doesn't work, break the ice and make the first move. If you still get the same results move on! More fish in the sea ;)
Mia C.

What Makes Me Happy OR What My Friends Want?

There is this boy who has liked me for about two or three years now. I never liked him back b/c he's slower than us, even though he's 14, and he's really immature. The thing is I've always had secret feelings for him. I tried letting them out to him, but he got so shy and nervous he stopped speaking to me. He said he would ask me out, and I agreed to give him a chance, but he bailed b/c none of his friends wanted us to go out b/c they thought I was too [mature] for him. I know he still likes me and wants to go out, but he is so shy that he doesn't speak to me anymore. I don't know whether to go out with him and risk all my friends being upset b/c none of them like him or just forget about it. All I know is I want him to speak to me again, I really miss him as a friend. Is there a way to have my friends and I be happy or do I have to choose one or the other? Is there a way to get him to stop avoiding me and speak to me again or am I doomed to silence from him for my last year in middle school?
Tweetie, 13

Okay, now I know that friends mean a lot, but you have to think about yourself every once and a while. Look yourself in the mirror and ask, "What do I want?" Not your friends or his friends, but YOU [and him]. If you really want to talk to him again and be with him, then do it. No one is stopping you but you. And maybe your friends are going to be upset, but if they were real friends then they would want you to be happy.
Bianca

Does He Really Like Me?

I like this guy named Jordan, but I'm not exactly sure if he likes me. We're only 1 year apart and I really like him. He follows me around a lot and asks me where I'm going. He used to be kinda rude to me, a nd now he's really nice. We're really good friends and sometimes I ask myself if he wants to be more than that. One time he said that he liked me, but my friends made it really awkward for us, so he kinda just dropped the subject. If he asks me out and I say yes, I don't want to find out that it was just some prank. What should I do?
Bre, 13

You should get him somewhere private where there won't be any awkward interruptions and ask him how he really feels ... if he really wants to be with you or if it's some kind of joke. And if all goes well, tell him how you feel too. If it's meant to be, it'll be.
Bianca

Majorly, Chronically Shy

Ok, first off, I'm really, majorly, chronically shy. The few friends I have were SOOO hard to get it isn't funny, and I'm falling for one of them. His name's Micheal, and he's a senior (yeah, I know, he's a tad bit too old for me). I've been crushing on him for months, but I just can't get up the courage to tell him. I've told him on Facebook, but he's never replied (but that doesn't mean anything 'cuz he's never on). I'm around him at least once a week 'cuz we're on the same bowling team and we're interested in some of the same things so we see each other pretty often. I really want to go out with him, no matter the age difference, but then there's another problem besides me being extremely shy. You see, my dad is the coach of our bowling team, and my 17 year old brother in on the team too, and neither are too fond of Micheal. My mom and aunt don't like him either, but I seriously think I'm in love with him. The last of my dating problems is that he only shows interest in me when I'm trying to ignore him, so it's a "he only wants me when he can't have me" sort of situation. Can you help me plz. This is my last hope. I've talked to all my friends, and all of their strategies just aren't working.
Michelle, 14

Michelle, I know what you are talking about. I know it's like uber hard, but if you really say you love him, you need to say something. If he acts that way when you are trying to ignore him, then he may just not know what he wants, or he's shy too. Many people act certain ways to show the receiving people that they do like you. It's just like the little boy that hits you and beats you up, because that's their way of getting close to you. I know it seems really immature, but you never know. Just gather all the confidence you've got and tell him!

But your family predicament, yeah, that can be extremely hard. I'd say open your mouth to your parents and see if you can get a good word in for him. I know, I had to do it.
Raven

If he only shows interest when you ignore him ... maybe he's shy too? You never know. But never be afraid to share your feelings about someone to that person, because they might feel the same way, and if they don't you'll know it so you won't be stuck on the same person. As for age, I can't say anything against it; it's all in your own maturity and how your parents feel about your level of maturity. Because age is a number, but it's how you handle yourself that says it in the end. So before you make a move, take a look at yourself and see if you ready for something like that, and if you think you are, go for it!
Mia C.