Sweet Advice

By Stephanie Lynn

Relationships

In Love with a Player?

Ok, let's start from the beginning, which goes back to when I was like 6. There was this guy who went to my school and my church, and as I started seeing him more and more I started to like him. When I was like 9 or 10 I realized I loved him so very much (please don't say it's puppy love), but then he started to change, but I still loved him.

But then in my 7th grade year we were in the same class, and I thought he liked me 'cause we would always be hanging out and talking and laughing, but then in Dec. '07 I texted him a couple of times, and then one day at church this girl I didn't even know came up to me and told me, "J. told me to tell you to stop texting him." When she told me that my heart broke into a million pieces. I didn't know what to say. I felt if I said anything I would burst into tears (which I did when I got home). From then on I wanted to forget him SO bad! But then there was this other guy D., and he just made me feel so special. I like him a lot. There's only one problem - he is such a big flirt and a player. That just gets me so mad. So here's a story:

I went to church the other day and I was really angry at him, so I didn't wanna talk to him, but then I went downstairs during church with my nephew to get some water and he was there. There's this room were the little kids play, and I went in there with my nephew, and so did he, and then he just started talking to me and hugging me, and he had his hand on my back and on my knee and it was so cool! Which is why I'm upset - I didn't want it to be cool, but I can't help it. I just like him so much and I didn't know what to do :( It was really weird, and yet I didn't want him to let go of me. You know what I mean? I'm just so happy and mad at the same time :(

And now every time I go to church he does the same thing - we hug and are just there. I like him a lot, but I know he's a player and he's gonna end up hurting me, but I don't know what to do. HELP PLZ!!!

p.s. My sis and bro and most of my friends don't like him. They say to stay away from him and stuff, but I can't. I really like him. But there's another problem - I realized that no matter how many guys I've liked and how many things have happened I'm still in love with J., and I don't know what to do :*(
WL, 14

Honestly, if you know he's a player and you know in the end you'll get hurt why do you want to take that chance? I do understand your issue with choosing "to be, or not to be". A great person once told me, "In life you will always come to a fork in the road, and you have to pick left or right. It may not be easy, and no matter you'll always have 'what if's', but follow your heart, 'cause in the end everything falls into play." If you really like him and think he won't hurt you, reach for the stars, go for it. Don't worry about what people think. Also, have you talked to him about this? Maybe he's different from what you think. You're 14. I know this seems hard to think about, but when you're 16 or even 15 J will be out of the picture. There's someone out there just for you - don't ever give up.
Ashley

Am I Over My Ex?

Ok, so I am the typical 17 year old teenager. Great friends, great boyfriend, and drama. There is this one girl who regardless of the time still digs up dirt. She thinks she is so much better. She makes me feel so inferior. Now recently she started dating my ex which I am cool with. (I have an amazing boyfriend who is away at college.)

But I still get butterflies when I hear about them. Is this normal or am I not over my ex completely? I love my new boyfriend a lot and want to marry him someday but am I not over my ex? And if there is any way to not let this bother me can you tell me please?
Katie, 17

We all have those girls in our lives who try to make us feel lower than them, or just straight out like to mess with our emotions just because they can. Girls are cold, and we'll never really understand why, but I guess if it makes them happy then let them be shallow, and don't let it affect you.

About the whole boy situation, it's okay to have that feeling. There's always that first relationship we can never seem to get ourselves to forget. Honestly, it probably isn't a feeling of you "liking" or "loving" your ex. You probably just miss the relationship - not him. And I'm guessing this girl likes to hang all over him in front of you? Just let her. You love your boyfriend and they shouldn't matter. This is all totally normal. Just don't second guess your gut feeling.

I can't tell you how you feel, or if you're over him, but if you have a feeling of uncertainty then maybe you should talk to your ex. Maybe you just feel this way because you never get to see your boyfriend, since he's off at college. I hope I at least helped a little. I'm really sorry. It's a hard situation and I hope for the best.
-Maggie

I have felt the same way, but there's a different twist to my story. This guy and I broke up, and a few months later I got a new boyfriend. Like with you, his ex started drama with me. When I would see my ex I would get butterflies, but I was in love with my boyfriend.

So what did I do? I did what I always do when I am lost - sit down and write about it. Everything and anything that I am thinking of that is bothering me. This is how I came to the conclusion I was still in love with the idea of him and me. Let me explain ... I'll bet you saw him every day and also loved him. Love doesn't just go away. Yes, it's an ability, and you have the ability to stop, but stopping is not always easy.

How do I make it stop bothering me? You can't just make it stop bothering you. It's all in your mindset - it bothers you because you let it. I know that may sound dumb. Just don't let it get to you. If it's bothering you, you've got to know why. Maybe there's some things you need to let go of. Good luck.
Ashley

Now He Pushes Me Away

So there's this boy I'm absolutely crazy in love with, and for a while he was too, and I was sure we were going to make things last. I mean, we been through everything together. Now he says he doesn't deserve me and that we should just let go. He says it will hurt him so bad to let go but he wants me happy. How can I make him see I am happy with him, the happiest I've ever been actually. He also said that he can't live without me, but yet he pushes me away. He completely stopped talking to me, and I don't know if it's 'cuz he's hurting or just brushing me off. How could I possibly get over him? Help.
Lina, 15

He's most likely hurting inside. Possibly going through depression. Keep reminding him that you are happy, and that all you want to do is make sure he's happy. If he's still not talking to you, then show up at his house randomly. Don't tell him. If you need to, tell his parents that you'll be coming by or something. If you do that, then he has no way to force you away; he has to talk to you. I went through the same thing, and he and I are still together. Don't lose faith. Just keep pressing it; make him talk to you. But if he keeps saying that he doesn't deserve you, tell him that you want him, you don't want anyone else, and if you guys separate, then he'll always be on your mind, and you'll never find someone like him. You have to constantly tell him that he's the only guy you'll want in your life. Always remind him of that. I hope I helped a little.
Jessi

Sounds like you're in a very tough situation. I think it's sort of weird how he was very much in love with you, then he tells you that he doesn't deserve you. Sometimes guys do that because they feel they've done something wrong in your relationship, or it could be because of another girl (which I highly doubt in your situation). What I would do is go up to him, even if he tries walking away from you, and try talking to him and ask him what's up. If he doesn't answer keep asking him and he'll will probably tell you. There are many ways to get over a guy. Here are some things I read on websites that may help you out:

1. Invite some friends over, and watch some chick flicks. Get fun and upbeat movies like John Tucker Must Die.

2. Open your mind and realize that if he deserved you, he would be with you.

3. Write down every single thing that annoyed you about him. Then read it and realize he is not only not perfect, but also not perfect for you.

4. Remind yourself that he's just another guy.

5. Shop!

Good luck (:
Mckayla

Should I Call Him?

So there's this guy, and he doesn't have aim, myspace, etc ... and I don't think I feel comfortable talking to him on the phone. I want to hang with him this summer. So does my friend, but with his twin. So I told a friend that we're both really close to that we should all hang this summer. Yeah, I think it was kinda pointless. But what should I do!?? Should I call him and ask him to hang? Should I have our close friend hang with us too!?? Confused.
Nikki, 14

If you don't think you're comfortable talking to him on the phone, then what will it be like when you all hang out? I'm kinda confused on what you're saying, but I have a general idea.

If you really want to start hanging out with him and get closer to him, then I think that you should call him and start talking to him, and get to know him a little bit. The world doesn't revolve around Myspace ;)

Then hang out with him with a group of close friends. Get together and go see a movie or something. And if things get to the point where you're comfortable talking to him and hanging out with him, then you all could maybe try hanging by yourself, or go with your original plan!

Don't be afraid to talk to him; just call him up, and say, "Hey, what's up?" Start a conversation, and then ask him if he wants to hang out!

I hope I helped. Keep your head high, and smile :)

xoxo
Samantha

Since you seem a little shy about calling him I suggest taking your friend and his twin. It will ease the tension a bit. Double dates can be a whole lot of fun, especially if the conversation dies down a bit - you have someone to help you try and stir it back up.

Also, I do suggest calling. Things don't always just drop at your doorstep, and you have to fight for what you want, so take that chance. What is the worst that can happen? He can't hang out? Well, if you planned a group date, so what? You and your friend can still go and have a blast and have a girl's time out.

Take the chance and fight for what you want. Good luck.
Lauren

We're Fighting a Lot - Should We Break Up?

So I'm dating this really awesome guy and I like him a lot, but we get into fights way too much, and I sometimes think what it would be like if I was single? And sometimes I like it. I like the freedom of being single, but I really, really like this guy - actually love him - but I'm not sure if my whole heart is in it or if it's just a right now thing. I love him and he says he wants to spend his whole life with me, but I don't know. If I do, I admit sometimes when I think about being single I don't like it, and I love being with him, but then there are other times when I do really like it and I think about breaking up with him. I'm just so confused, and I could never break up with him. That would just kill me. So what do I do? Do I stay with the guy I love most of the time, or try and make him break up with me? I just don't know what to do.
Kayla, 13

Fighting too much ... I know how you feel! As much as you love this guy, at this young age do you really need to spend the majority of your time fussing over stupid little things that can be overlooked??? Did you ever think that most of the fights occur because you spend too much time together? I dated this guy for about 2 years, and for the first 6 months of the relationship I saw him every single day but ALL we did was fuss, until one day I got fed up and told him that we fought like an old married couple and I couldn't handle it. We went 2 days without seeing each other (it was so hard) but when we finally saw each other, there were no arguments. We were so happy to be in each other's company that the stupid little things that bothered us before seemed. ... STUPID! Try it!! This little problem can be fixed but it's a team effort. Learn how to think before you speak, and not just you, him too. If you know that the comment you're about to make is gonna lead to a fight then don't say it!!! Your heart is in this, if it wasn't, you wouldn't have bothered to write us and you would've broken up with him a long time ago!
Charda

If you love him, you should want to be with him. Don't try to make him break up with you. You should talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Stick with him, but if the fights are about more serious things, then you need to decide. Try to pick your battles. If it's about something silly, don't get into it.
Courtney

I completely understand what you're going through because I recently found myself in this same situation. Before you make any kind of decision about breaking up with him I just want you to think about a few things.

Fighting all the time - All couples have disagreements from time to time. It can't be avoided. What you need to think about is WHY you guys are fighting. Is it over little silly things that really don't matter or is it over something bigger than that?? Another reason could possibly be that you are fighting with him on purpose and not even realizing it. I say that because I know it's something that I'm guilty of doing with my guy. There might be times when since you are already having these feelings of possibly breaking up with him that you start an argument just so that you don't have to talk to him.

Age - You guys are still VERY young. You said that you were concerned about whether it was a "right now" thing. At your age I don't think you should be too concerned about whether it's forever or just right now. Putting too much emphasis on that might also be the cause of the problems in the relationship. Don't worry about how long you're going to be together, just have fun.

Now you didn't mention any of this, but I know it's been a problem in my relationship, so I'm going to put it out there. What do your friends think of him?? Do they seem to like him or not?? Are most of your friends single?? I've found that when my friends don't like the person I'm dating it puts a strain on our relationship. Also, when most of my friends are single and I'm dating someone I get a little jealous because they can go out and be free while I can't. It's not that I don't love him, it's just that I want to be able to do the same things as my friends, and when I can't I feel a little left out.

Now here's the most important thing I feel you need to do. Take some time to sit down and really think about the things that you love about him. Is it his smile?? Is it the way he treats you?? Does he get along with your family?? Is he a good listener?? Think about all these things. Do you really want to give up all these things?? Do you honestly think that you'd be happier single?? The thing you said that really caught me was that you could never break up with him. That in itself says a lot. If you can't break up with him, it means that deep down in your heart you can't see yourself without him, and that even if you did break up, there will be a part of you that still wants him. Here is the most important question I think you need to ask yourself: "Would it be ok if I saw him with another girl?" If the answer is no, then you're not ready to let him go yet.

Hope this helps!
Asia

He Looks at Me from Afar

This guy and I were good friends last year. We would walk by saying hi and stuff, nothing serious. But when he heard that I liked him he stopped talking to me. I'm a really shy person, so my friends went up to him and asked him if he liked me, and he said no. Then one day I decided to go up to him myself and ask him. He said that he only liked me as a friend and that he didn't know me like that to be going out with me. So I asked him if he would want to get to know me, and he said that he had a lot of things going on and whatever. Other people kept coming up to him and asking him if he liked me and he told them that he liked me as a friend.

So now this year comes and I still like him. He's in my homeroom and in one of my classes. He always looks at me and is around my area when I'm with my friends or when he's with his friends. He also looks at me in homeroom and looks at me from afar, but when we get close he doesn't make eye contact with me. He looks at me from the side (when he feels I'm coming around his way), looks at me when I'm with my guy friends, and looks at me as if he's checking me out, but when I look at him he quickly looks away. My friend told me that he said he likes me, and that he's gonna talk to me, but won't tell me anything else because he wants to keep me in suspense, but I don't know if it's true because besides looking at me he's not doing anything about it.

I keep asking him and asking him if it's true and he said yes. I don't know if I should believe him or not. I started talking back to him recently, just saying hi and bye, but I feel as if he doesn't want to talk to me. Can you please help because I really like him.
Tatiana, 16

The first and foremost thing I have to say to you is you're beautiful, confident, and smart like all women, and no guy is worth waiting for, no matter what. If he likes you, he could be as shy, even shier than you, but don't dwell on that - you've made your move. So go flirt and have fun. Don't just wait on his move, because it sounds to me like he's a little late.

You never know. Making him jealous might break some of that shyness ;) Maybe you could find someone you even liked better if you try. So give it a whirl!!! Most of all tell your friends to slow down with the pestering. They could be making him even more shy about it!! Let him come to you if he's going to come at all!!!

Love,
Mia C.

Guys like a bit of a chase. Give him a cat and mouse game. But instead of always being the cat this time be the mouse. Don't ask him things - let him feel the need to talk to you instead. Make him wonder why you aren't talking to him as much. I know it sounds kind of mean leading him on, but guys get turned off if you always give them what they want. They enjoy working for their accomplishments. So do it in an innocent way. Tease him lightly, but enough so he will want to pursue your friendship and a potential relationship.
Lauren

Am I Uncomfortable with Him?

So me and this guy - both of us our first bf/gf. He is kinda the stupider type and people think he is stupid, but I don't think so. Whenever people ask who I'm goin' out with I say him and turn away and start laughing. (I don't know why.) Am I uncomfortable about us going out? I think I like him, but I am not sure. I know that he does like me! We have similar interests. I have absolutely no clue. I'm out of my freakin' mind - what am I tryin' to ask you?! Plz help me! =)

*muah*
<3 Emilie, 14

Well, Emilie, nobody is stupid, not even the kids who like to think it. Yes, they may be idiotic at times, but everyone can be. And why should people care who you're going out with? Is it any of their business? Nope. So if they don't like him, too bad! It's your life, dear.

About your confused state, just ask yourself: If he's your boyfriend, then you had to like him in some way to get together with him, right? And I also know what your going through. Because that's where I am. I'm also giving you the same advice I'd give myself. :)

Hope it helps!
Raven

Dating your first boyfriend is sort of a big deal. If people make fun of you or laugh at who you're dating then they're not your real friends. If they were they would accept him and accept that you like him. They should try and actually be his friend and try to accept and understand him in the way you have. He's obviously a great guy - brains aren't everything. You should have no reason to be uncomfortable about you guys going out just because someone else said something. As long as you like him and he likes you, that's all that matters.
Kimberly

Let's Call Her 'Jealous'

So one of my bffs - let's call her "June" - likes this boy. Let's just call him "Andrew". He doesn't really like her, but she gets mad at me if I bring him up, and the one time I said I kind of liked him - and let's face it, EVERY SINGLE GIRL at my school likes him - she said I wasn't allowed to. She said that she saw him first and she was the first to like him, so NO ONE else can like him. But I really do like him, and both he and I are going to high school, but June is staying in jr. high 'cause it's an option where I live.

And so if he asks me out, which I'm pretty sure he's gonna do 'cause he told his sister he was, I want to say yes so badly 'cause I could really imagine falling in love with him. But I'm afraid June will hate me, and she really is like one of my best friends, and I don't want to do that to her. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
Sophia, 13

Sophia, it sounds like you really do like this guy! But your friend is getting in the way. If she were a real friend she would understand that you like him a lot and that he likes you back. Let her know exactly how you feel and see if she understands. But if she gets mad and doesn't want to be your friend anymore, then it's up to you what to do next. You can either let her go, and hope that sooner or later she comes back. Or you can explain to the guy that you really want to be with him, but you want to be a good friend too. Let him know that maybe when you both go to high school you can be together then. But for now you think it would be better if you both stayed friends.
Tramaine

Sophia ... let me tell you that you are going to run into situations like this all the time. Especially with "friends". Let me tell you an experience similar ... I liked this guy in high school, and well, he liked me because he had told me so many times ... but then my best friend began to like him too. I never told her what I felt. She was totally clueless, so when she told me what she felt, I told her everything, and she went crazy! She told me that I was a copycat and that I only liked him because she did.

Well, the point is she began to accuse me of things. It came to the point where I got tired of it all and just told her, "You like him, go for it. I won't do anything. I'll stay away."

So I did, but as time went by she noticed nothing she did made him like her, and I wasn't doing anything either, so she had no other choice but to say sorry to me for doubting me.

See, if someone is your real friend they don't react this way. They'll talk to you about it, not get all selfish. Talk to your friend and ask her what matters more, a boy she doesn't know if he likes her, or a friendship that is supposed to be real. In any case just talk to her ... set things straight. I'm pretty sure if you guys sit down and just talk you'll fix the issues!
- Rebecca

He Flirts with Everyone

So there is this really sweet guy. We've been dating almost a year now. And I like him ... a lot ... but there are girls on my cheer squad whom I cheer with, friends, neighbors, and best friends I have known since kindergarten. He flirts around with them all the time. He just can't quit. :/ My BFFs try to get him to quit, and usually they hint around with him on a regular basis! He's gotten better with his "flirtatiousness", but I still don't know. I love him, and he says he loves me too. I don't know though.

And another thing. He always texts me, but after I text him, and I call him, no answer. You wanna know why?! He calls those other girls he flirts with. Some are in 6th grade, some 8th, most are 7th, and we are in 6th. I love him, and if he breaks my heart, I don't want him to be heartbroken too, because these girls he likes change boys like they change pants.

I cry all the time. When I am out there cheering, sometimes he even cheers or winks at the other girls. Yeah, I have seen him do it. So what do I do? Keep him like my heart says? Or dump him like the rest of my heart, my friends, and yes, even my family says? HELP ME! I am begging for your advice.
Brianna, 12

Well, Brianna, I've heard from many people many times to follow your heart, but this time I think you should listen to your friends and family. If this boy is doing all of this and hurting you this much, he is NO good. You're young. You don't need people like that in your life.
Bianca

Let him go! I hate to be so blunt and going straight to the point, but that is the best thing you can do. You are 12 yrs old, which means you shouldn't even be suffering like this ... You are too young and have too much to live than to be wasting your time on a kid - a kid who apparently does not value you or give you your place.

If he was really interested in you he would be pushing girls off left and right, but you say he calls them. That is a sign that he is not faithful ... so tell me why you would want to keep him and possibly become his girlfriend when at this point that you guys are dating he doesn't even take that into consideration? If everyone else around you is telling you to let him go ... it's for a reason. That's too many people telling you the same thing. There's got to be something that everyone sees and doesn't like for a reason. Just move on, Brianna ... there will be more guys, and let me tell you ... there will be more guys that will be worth your time, not a waste of time like this kid!
Rebecca

She's Having His Baby; He's Still Playing the Field

I have a problem. It's about my sister. This guy she was going with for almost a year broke up with her because the dude lied to her about moving away. She tried everything to get him to stay. She didn't know it was a lie till later, but they got into a fight and said things they may have not meant, but it really broke my sister's heart. I don't really know the reason why, but then her momma told her to tell him she was gonna have his baby. That really made things bad. The dude was saying really cold hearted things about my sister. I was gonna cuss him out, but I can't. I have to keep talking to the dude to help my sister get back with him. (I don't know how I'm going to do that.) But she really wants to be with him. They forgive each other, but he's acting like he doesn't wanna be with her sometimes. She really wants him back - it's her first real love. She really doesn't wanna move on. I've been trying to help get them back for almost a year now. I really wanna see my sister happy with him and maybe even married, but I don't know how and she doesn't know how to get him back We've tried everything in the book. We have to do this before the summer because he's moving back to Atlanta for good. She wants to go with him. She wants to be happy with him there. That's how much she loves the dude. And the other problem is that his so-called new girlfriend really doesn't know if he's with her to make my sister jealous. But she really needs to think of something fast.
Monique, 17

Well, Monique, personally, I would just leave him alone. From what I read, he keeps acting iffy (indecisive) and I don't think your sister should have to deal with that. Yes, he's her first real love, but if he doesn't want to be with her, he's not going to be with her. You say you want to see your sister happy, but maybe in the end her happiness is going to come from her getting over this dude and realizing that this was all drama and just a waste of her time.
Bianca

If you really care about your sister, and I can tell that you do a lot, then you have to convince her that his guy isn't the right one for her. If you do get her back into this relationship, it sounds like he is a person who likes to verbally abuse people. Your first love is always the hardest one to get over, and that person will always be with you in your heart for the rest your life. Instead of wasting your time on a guy who doesn't love your sister for the great and wonderful person that she is, you should look for a better guy who will love your sister for all she has to offer. This guy is not good for your sister's mental or physical health. I think he is doing the right thing by going to Atlanta. That way there are some physical boundaries to keep them apart. At all costs try to keep your sister's mind and time occupied. I must tell you that I admire your strength and courage to do all of this for your sister. Best of luck.
Victoria

Hard Seeing Him with His New GF

I can't get over him. I've tried so hard, but it's hard when I see him and his new gf together. All I want to do is cry. It gets me so sad. He asks me what's wrong almost every day, but I say nothing, and then he will be, like, "Well, you always look sad now." Ugh, guys suck. How do I get over him?"
Maria, 13

You need to get out in the world and find a new man. I mean, you're only 13 yrs old. You don't need a guy in your life to make it better. Just to get over him try to talk to other guys. You'll always find a new man. Don't worry. And if you still can't get over him tell him that you still have feelings for him. You just gotta listen to your heart and know what's right.
Sarah

First and foremost, time heals all wounds. I know that it is going to suck right now, but one day there is a guy who is right for you. And I know you think that he is the right one for you, but if it was meant to be it would probably have happened by now. There is no right way to get over him, but you are only 13 years old. School should be your top priority right now. The best way I can suggest for you to feel better about the situation is to talk to your friends or whoever is there for you because that's what they are there for.
Kellie

Ok, Maria, this seems like a very common situation we have here. My advice to you is to try your hardest to move on. You say you can't get over him, right? Well, my advice for that is that you just be his friend. If you feel comfortable with that, you could have a good friend on your hands. From what you've said, I think he'd be okay with that. Being his friend will help you forget about being sad that he's not your boyfriend. Remember the good, chase away the bad! In addition, you are still very young and there are a lot of fish in the sea! Toss your bait, and the fish will come to you when they're ready! You only have one life to live, so don't waste it being sad! Look on the bright side of things! ^^
<3 Briana =]

I Can't Get Over Him

Ok, me and my bf broke up like a month ago, and I can't get over him. He told me he loved me that same day we broke up, and I love him, and he left me for another girl. I'm so confused about whether I should let him go or not.
Maria, 13

Well, Maria, I am going to tell you straight up, LET HIM GO. If he really loves you, he wouldn't leave you for another girl. Yes, it may be hard getting over him, but he's not worth your time or your tears.
Bianca

Well, some boys don't know what they have until they leave it. If it's been a month since ya'll broke up, then maybe he was just saying he loved you to sugar coat the break up. He may care about you but only to a certain level. This doesn't mean you're ugly or anything. It just symbolizes how stupid boys can be. When he realizes that he's made a mistake, it's maybe too late. Just know that boys will always come and go. So don't try to settle down anytime soon - you still got time.
Micah

I've never been in a situation like this before, but I can give you some advice that may help you. In this situation what I would do is talk to him. Simply ask him what's going on and explain to him that you're still not over him. But if you're not the type who is open with that stuff, then maybe IM him just so you're not as nervous as you would be in person. I think that you should give it a chance, and maybe, just maybe, he still likes you. I think that since he said "I love you" the day you broke up he still has feelings for you, but also has feelings for the other girl at the same time. I hope this helps you. Good luck.
Mckayla

He's Available ... Again

I dated Brandon for 4 and a half months, and he broke up with me for some girl that he met the day before. I was completely devastated. I didn't know what to do and it took me like forever to get over it, and him. Mind you, this was like a week after my birthday, which is in the summer.

About 3 months later we started talking again, and I found out that Brandon and this girl he left me for were over. He asked me out, and I didn't know what to do because I thought I was over him. I guess not.

Over the summer I kept thinking to myself, "He is gonna come back for me, he is gonna come back for me." And he did. I was happy that he did. But now that he was asking me back out, I didn't know what to do. I figured, you know, I must mean something to him if he's coming back for me, right?

Anyway, to the point ... We only lasted two weeks till I broke up with him because I wasn't ready to have a boyfriend, especially since I had just started at high school. So I told him I just wanted to be friends. It was a really stupid thing for me to do, especially since Homecoming was like a week away and we already had plans to go together. Yeah ... I felt bad. Next thing I know he is with some other girl I don't know and they are going together. I felt miserable and jealous, and I didn't understand why he would jump to another girl so fast.

Well, I found out today that after 2 and a half months of dating, she broke up with him for another guy. Karma! I have had feelings for him that keep getting worse every day every since I broke up with him. It was one of the stupidest things I have ever done, and I don't even understand why I did it.

Now I have people telling me that he wants to get back with me, but I'm just not sure. I must've made the decision I did for a reason, right? I need help on what to do. I know that if I were to get back with him a lot of my friends would be really disappointed because they say I deserve so much better than him. He is an awesome person and a very good boyfriend and all, but I just can't decide. HELP!

Ashleigh, 14

A guy who leaves you for another girl is not in any way worth a second chance at your heart! Your heart is a precious thing that doesn't need to be taken lightly. You need to keep a tight arm around it, and only let the guys who deserve to be in it near it. If you broke up with him, I'm sure there was a reason. If you've dated him before, there are always lingering feelings for an ex, because you have cared for him, and probably still do, just not in the same way. You have to put yourself and your heart first, not any other boy. Your friends would have a right to be disappointed if you went back to him because you do deserve a lot better than that!!! Do what's best for you!!! Don't second guess it ;)

My Wish For You: More Love Your Way,
Mia C.

Do You Know How Many Friends I'd Lose if We Went Out??

Ok, well, this year I started at a new school. Right away I became part of the "popular" crowd. The people that hung around me were really fun to me at first. They all started sitting with me at lunch, and so did this boy Miguel, who is 19. He would always flirt with me, but at first I would pay no mind because I was used to it.

But around the end of October I started talking with him and became good friends. I started catching feelings for him, and we started hanging out and talking on the phone all night. At the end of November I got in a fist fight at school with one of the girls I was friends with becuz of some other stupid drama. Surprisingly he didn't stop talking to me like most of my "friends" did becuz I was the new girl and they'd all been friends for a long time. (They're all seniors, but I'm a sophomore.)

Well, I know I wasn't in love with him, but I did love him, and he would always tell me he loved me when I would see him. One day we were hanging out in front of my house, and everything was good ... kissing, hugging, and just laughing. Then I asked him why he doesn't kiss me in school. He told me, "Not that it matters, becuz it doesn't, but people would find out we talk." I asked him if that's a problem. He said no, but he was thinking about getting back with his ex. I asked him why and his response was that he can't stay single forever.

I asked him, "Then why don't we go out?" He threw at me what I told him before that I don't do relationships becuz of the things I went through growing up. I told him that I liked him and I would change that for him. He told me he doesn't care what people think, but "Do you know how many friends I would lose if we went out?" Regarding one of his friends, I told him that if they were his real friends then they wouldn't stop talking to him. He said I should have said something earlier about liking him. But I know he knew I liked him and I know he liked me.

Well, this took place in the middle of January. It's now January 25, and he is back with his ex, and I saw them kiss today at school, which crushed me. He STILL flirts with me and stares at me the same way. But when she's around he doesn't even know me.

I have talked to him as friends. He told me he does care for me, and he is sorry if he hurt me, and he will always be there for me. I don't know what to do. I have a lot of feelings for him. I know they are real and not lust becuz I only ever caught feelings like this for one other boy, and I was off and on with him for 2 years and lost my virginity to him, but I haven't been in a relationship for almost a year. But idk, Miguel is a real flirt, and a lot of my friends like him, not knowing that me & him messed around.

I just need some advice. Plz becuz I'm realllly confused and don't know what to do about him at this point. Hardest part is I have to see him every day at school. Sorry for the autobiography.
Amarie, 16

So this Mr. Miguel sounds like one of those "i-don't-like-being-single-so-i-only-go-out-with-girls-so-i-don't-have-to-be-alone" dudes. I know those types. And they're a NO SHOW. Especially if he tries to turn the tables on you, goes out with another girl, let alone his ex, and STILL tries to flirt with you!? Uh, NO. I don't think so. Now I understand that you have feelings for him, but all he's good for is heartache. Maybe you two are better off as friends. And once you realize that you are probably better off without him, the easier it'll get to see him at school.
Bianca

I know right now what you're going through has to be very hard, but you shouldn't dwell on it. Life sends you twists and turns, but you have to just move on. It takes a while to get around the bend, but you make it all the same. Some of us get stuck in the middle and need a little boost to help us get around, so here's yours.

If that guy wasn't ready to commit to a great girl like you I'm positive he wasn't a great guy at all. You say he's dating his ex now, and he still flirts with you and your friends? Think about it ... Would you have wanted a commitment like that? Knowing he's supposed to be with you, but still eying and flirting with girls he's "fooled around" with?

I know losing your virginity had to be very hard, but think about it this way: You lost it to someone you cared about. He may not be in your life, but for a moment you shared the experience of a physical memory of your love. You may think it's a mistake or you may not, but that's all up to you. We all make mistakes sometimes and we all need to let them go. If he acts like he doesn't know you when his ex is around, then show him you're not interested in someone who just used you. You're better than that.

Better Days,
Mia C.

Obsessions

I'm in a wonderful relationship. I didn't think it would work out between me and my boyfriend. But ironically I love everything about him ... except one thing. He has this girl who's all in love with him and she isn't me. She tries to act like they're dating. When he and I are together in the hall she tries to butt in and take him away. She has him number 1 on her top! His nickname is Magic. And she calls herself "Baby Magic"! I have no clue what to do with this ... there's no use talking to her about it because she absolutely hates me!! Please help!
Micah, 15

Someone obviously needs to talk to this girl. It's probably best to do it privately - you and your BF together. That way everyone is on the same page and there are no misunderstandings. Be sweet & kind, but be clear that you two are in a relationship and she need to turn her attention elsewhere. It may not do any good if she's living in a reality of her own making, but it's the right way to approach it, I think.
Stephanie Lynn

Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I have been in this situation before, and it is horrible. Well, my first question is have you talked to your boyfriend? Ask him to ask her to back down. Ask him to tell her he has a girlfriend. If he cares about you he should be perfectly fine with talking to her.

If he talks to her, and she still doesn't seem to lay off, see if he will consider not talking to her for a bit or talking to her less. He is your boyfriend, and she is stepping on your turf - you have the right to speak up.
Lauren

My BF Hangs Out Too Much with His Cousin

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months now, and his cousin just moved a couple houses down from him. He is ALWAYS with him. The other night we had plans to go see a movie and his cousin had spent the night. I called him at 10 something in the morning and he said he would call me around 5 in the afternoon. So I got all dressed, took a shower, did my nails, and everything. I waited and waited and waited ... and no call.

It was about 5:30 and I called him. He answered laughing with his cousin and said it would be a couple hours before his cousin leaves. So I suggested he hang out with his cousin the rest of the night and I just went to the movies with somebody else. He said okay and hung up. I don't know what to do. I hate his cousin, and every time my boyfriend is with him they act like retards and cuss and drink and stuff. And I hate that. What do I do?
Ashleigh, 15

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about your problem? If you don't talk to him about it, he'll just assume that nothing is wrong. As much as us girls would like it, boys can't read our minds. The best thing is to try to get time alone with him to speak about it. Tell him that it bothers you that he is always with his cousin. But you don't want to seem clingy. So make sure you add that you understand he needs time with friends, but that you'd like some time for ya'll. This should help you resolve your issues.
Micah

Well, Ashleigh ... That doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend. You need to tell him you are serious about this relationship, and with his cousin around he acts like a doof. And he seriously needs to grow up. And if it causes problems, he needs to understand that you are his girlfriend, and need to be treated as such. If he doesn't understand that, then, quite frankly, he doesn't deserve a girlfriend.
Raven

Have you talked to your boyfriend? Have you let him know how you feel? The key to a good relationship is communication. If you keep trying to hint at what you want for an outcome he may just not get it. So you just need to just be straightforward and let him know what is bothering you.

If your boyfriend tells you that he and his cousin are best friends or just really close, you won't stop it - that is his family. In order for you two to also work you need to get along with his family. So instead of hating the cousin consider compromising with your boyfriend - you can all hang out whenever the two of them won't be drinking and cussing. Tell him you don't like how he is when he is drinking - he isn't the same person. Plus, I am guessing he is underage, so you can also let him know it is a criminal offense and you don't want to be put in a sticky situation that can get you into trouble.

Well, good luck.
Lauren

Well, I completely understand you. Maybe not the cousin, but the friends. And it is HIGHLY annoying and frustrating. Well, you know what I say? TELL HIM. You're not going to get anywhere if you keep letting him blow you off and act that way, if you keep it all to yourself. Now yes, family is important, but you should be too. He should respect your feelings and not act that way around you. Now if he acts that way with his cousin when you're NOT around it's his business, so long as it's not hurting your relationship. But you should tell him that, hello, you are still there and you're not trying to get between him and his cousin, but you want time with him too, without his cousin and without the bad habits his cousin brings.
Bianca