ADVICE

Sweet Advice

By Stephanie Lynn


Stress


Stressed About Her Weight

I am stressed out about my weight! Like yeah, I have tried dieting and exercising and it doesn't work. It makes me stressed out. I started smoking cigarettes to relieve stress, but my parents found out, so I had to stop. They gave me this lecture and it made me more stressed out. Also, to top it all off, I'm having dating problems. No guy wants to hang out with me because I am overweight. I don't know what to do. Help!!!! please.
Rachel, 13

First off: Smoking? Not going to help.

Listen ... I used to be heavy. I lost a lot of weight, but I'm still not that happy with myself. I think, "Why does it take so long?" Well, my dad helped me. See, you need to stick to your dieting and exercising for a long time. It took me three years. But it's worth it! I'm still on my diet, and I get compliments all the time! Focus on that goal of losing weight.

Also, it is possible you aren't really overweight. I don't know what you look like, but you may have a distorted vision of yourself that no one else sees. I understand that you may not be happy with yourself. I'm not going to give you that "You look great!" thing. I HATE it when people do that. It's like "Well, I don't feel that way." Just stick to dieting and exercising.

Do you like sweet stuff? One word: FRUIT! I love fruit. And it fills you up. As for exercising, walking with friends is soo much fun. Go on walks barefoot with your best friend. Talk with them and the walk goes by fast, and there goes a bunch of calories!

As for your dating problems, don't worry. You're thirteen, and though you're mature and ready for a relationship, most of the guys probably aren't. They're not mature enough yet. At one point they'll be smart and appreciate you for you.
Jessica


Weight Issues

Okay, I'm being made fun of because of my weight. Whenever I try to lose weight I just add on more for some reason! So I'm thinking of not eating and just pretending when I'm in public and when my father is around. Do you know any other way besides pretending to eat and going on a diet and working out?
Alexis, 13

Babe, okay ... hold on, slow down. I understand you're stressed and feeling like you have to be a certain weight, look, and everything else. Thanks to the media we have a problem with appearance and thinking skinny is the only way to be. However, that is NOT true. Most guys like girls that aren't a size zero. Studies show guys prefer girls who have some stuff there.

But if you still feel you are overweight then not eating is NOT your answer. Not eating is actually an eating disorder called anorexia. Anorexia can be very harmful. It can be so harmful that people have died from it. And that is the last thing I want for you, along with friends and family. That would leave so many people heartbroken.

I understand you are young and in a state where your body is constantly changing and your hormones are all over the place, and that is probably not helping you at all. But, like I said, anorexia is not the answer.

Now, to answer your question, "Do I know of any ways to loose weight? I am not going to recommend any ways, because they may not be the best for you, and may hurt you in the end. So what I recommend is sitting down with your dad and explaining to him how you are feeling about your appearance and weight, and ask him to speak with a doctor. A doctor will be able to help you find something that will fit your body type and schedule. Since your dad will also know what is going on, you will be in good hands.

Your dad cares about you and he won't let you harm yourself. If he doesn't know about how you feel, you can seriously harm yourself. It may be hard to confront him, but in the end it you ensure your safety and bring your relationship closer.
Best of Wishes,
Lauren


Body Image

Ok, I'm a freshman, and my little sister is in sixth grade. I'm pretty small, like I'm thin, and I have a very small chest size, and she's almost bigger in her chest size than I am. And it's like devastating to me because I've always been self-conscious about my chest size. I don't know how to handle this. Can you help?
Holl, 14

I can really identify with you, Holl! My younger sister (5 years younger) is medium build. I'm really thin like you, which for most people like us means having a small chest. The reality is that nobody's body is perfect. Too short, too tall, stringy hair, acne, big hips, and so on. My sister struggles with her weight, while I eat anything and everything, and I never gain a pound. Yeah, sometimes I'm a bit jealous of her. But she's also sometimes a bit jealous of me too. Being overweight or having to constantly diet is a very difficult way to live. So count your blessings.
♥ Stephanie Lynn



Family Secrets

I've had a pretty rough life. To make a long story short, my dad left my family while my mom was diagnosed with cancer. He obviously couldn't handle it, and just left. After that, a series of pretty bad and bizarre events followed. Needless to say, I've had a pretty rough life the past few years. My friends have never suspected a thing until recently, when I was at a party with my girlfriends and my mom called with bad news. My father had called for the first time in three years. My friends listened in on the whole conversation. Should I tell them what's really been going on in my life? Or should I keep it inside? I cried myself to sleep that night at the sleepover, wishing I had someone to talk to. But I don't want to get any pity from my friends. What should I do?
Carolyn, 15

Well, this is a difficult situation. My recommendation is to tell your friends, or at least one. Carolyn, if you don't want all of your friends to know, then pick your most trustworthy and closest friend to tell. You have been holding all of this inside of you for too long.

I understand you don't want the pity, so explain this to the friend(s) you tell. Let them know you don't want the pity, just the chance to let it out and get it off your chest, just someone to listen.

Tell your friend(s) sometimes if you just cry this is why. You don't want them to pity you, just be there for you. Let them know there may be times you may not want to explain, just want someone to be by your side so you know you will be okay. Friends are a great thing. Don't think they don't care about you.
Lots of Love,
Lauren


Super-Stressed

Lately my grades have been slipping. I'm moving, and I got in this huge fight with my best friend. I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders, and I cry at school all the time. And that brings us to bullying. It sounds so kiddish, but I cry during school for no reason, and they say "You're such a crybaby, Annette."

It hurts me very bad, and I can't get if off my mind ... the whole stress thing. I've tried yoga, pilates, getting massages, but nothing seems to take it away. My mom thinks I'm going into depression. I DONT WANT TO THOUGH! I want a normal 14 year old life! So Steph, what would you do in my situation?
Annette, 14

I know how you feel. Like I've told other people I've helped with your problems, I've been the same ... being depressed. There is exactly nothing I can do. YOU have to do this. I can help, but remember, I know you can do this!

About the grades, all I can say is stay after school and get some work done. That's exactly what I did! I went from a C to an A! If I can do it, I know you can!

About moving ... Moving is very stressful. I know how you feel. If youíre moving far away, you can always call them. My best friend moved to St. Louis, and I live close to Chicago. It was very hard on both of us, but we still keep in touch after 2 years!

Fighting with friends ... I just got done with this whole drama crap too. I told my friend that she liked someone, and she got offensive and started spreading rumors. All I can say (and what I did) was just ignore all the crap they do ... pretend they donít exist. My mother tells me that seeing you cry makes them feel better. It's wrong, but true. My friends and I are friends again. And I held strong through it. Yeah. :]]

About bullying & crying at school ... girl, you sound just like me! I get bullied all the time. You can't stop being yourself - sensitive. Tell them to go away. Tell them to picture themselves as you, and how they'd feel like that. That might help. If that doesn't help, you should definitely contact the principal at your school to come talk to all of them.

What I did when my mother told me I might be getting depressed, I took a lot of deep breaths, and I got off the computer more often. I did better things and it made me feel better.

I will definitely pray for you, my dear. :]
God Bless,
Amber





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